Decoding Triangulation: Unraveling the Narcissist's Web of Control
Triangulation
Chapter Three: The Invisible Third Party
Emily thought she had seen the worst of Victor’s tactics after the love bombing and gaslighting, but little did she know, Victor had another trick up his sleeve—triangulation. This time, he wasn’t just manipulating her directly; he was pulling others into their relationship, creating a web of deceit and confusion that left Emily questioning everything.
The Cunning Strategy of Triangulation
Victor was no ordinary manipulator; he was skilled in creating chaos while maintaining a façade of innocence. Triangulation is a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook, where they bring a third party into the mix to create jealousy, insecurity, or competition. It’s a way to control and divide, making Emily feel isolated and unsure of who to trust.
Here’s how Victor worked his dark magic:
Creating Jealousy: Victor started casually mentioning another woman, Lisa, who he claimed was “just a friend.” He would talk about how much Lisa admired his work, how they had so much in common, and how she understood him in ways others didn’t. Emily began to feel a knot of jealousy tightening in her stomach, wondering if she wasn’t enough.
What to do: Trust your gut feelings. If someone is consistently bringing up another person in a way that makes you feel insecure, it’s not innocent. Address your concerns directly, and don’t let them downplay your feelings.
Spreading Doubt: Victor would occasionally hint that Emily’s friends didn’t really have her best interests at heart. “You know, Lisa thinks your friend Sarah might be jealous of our relationship,” he’d say. Suddenly, Emily began to doubt Sarah’s loyalty, despite years of friendship.
What to do: Maintain your connections. Narcissists often try to isolate you from your support system. Don’t let them succeed. Talk openly with your friends and get their perspective—true friends won’t mind having an honest conversation.
Playing the Victim: Victor would sometimes tell Emily how Lisa was going through a tough time and needed his support. “I just can’t abandon her when she’s so vulnerable,” he’d explain, leaving Emily feeling guilty for wanting more of his time and attention.
What to do: Set boundaries. It’s one thing to support a friend in need; it’s another to neglect your relationship for someone else’s drama. Make sure your needs are being met, and don’t be afraid to express them.
Stirring the Pot: Victor thrived on creating tension. He would tell Lisa things that Emily supposedly said, then report back to Emily with Lisa’s reactions, creating a cycle of misunderstandings and conflict. This kept both women off-balance and vying for his favor.
What to do: Refuse to play the game. If you notice someone consistently stirring up drama, step back. Don’t engage in the back-and-forth; instead, focus on clear, direct communication.
Undermining Relationships: Victor subtly undermined Emily’s relationships with others, suggesting that her friends or family were being too critical or unsupportive. Over time, Emily found herself more isolated, relying more on Victor’s approval and less on her own judgment.
What to do: Reaffirm your relationships. Keep communication open with those you trust. A true partner will encourage your connections, not sabotage them.
Emily's Struggle for Clarity
As Victor’s manipulation intensified, Emily felt as if she were caught in a web with no clear way out. Every interaction with Victor left her more confused and isolated. But deep down, Emily knew something wasn’t right. She began to see the patterns in Victor’s behavior—the way he thrived on conflict, the satisfaction he got from watching her squirm.
Emily realized that she was being played, not just by Victor, but by the entire scenario he had created. It was time to take back control.
Breaking Free from the Web
Emily took decisive steps to free herself from Victor’s manipulative grasp:
Trusting Her Instincts: Emily knew that her jealousy and insecurity weren’t irrational—they were being deliberately provoked. She stopped blaming herself and started recognizing Victor’s tactics for what they were: manipulation.
Reconnecting with Friends: Emily reached out to Sarah and her other friends, openly discussing what had been happening. She found support and validation in their responses, which helped her regain her confidence and perspective.
Establishing Boundaries: Emily set clear boundaries with Victor, refusing to engage in conversations about Lisa or any other third party. She made it clear that her relationship was between her and Victor—no one else.
Seeking Outside Help: Emily decided to see a therapist, who helped her understand the dynamics at play and gave her tools to cope with and eventually leave the toxic relationship.
The Unraveling Continues
Victor was losing his grip on Emily, but he wasn’t done fighting. As she became more distant and self-assured, his tactics became more desperate. The next step in his playbook? Stonewalling—a way to shut down communication and control Emily through silence and emotional withdrawal.
Stay Tuned: Next Up—Stonewalling
In our next chapter, we’ll explore how stonewalling works and how Emily learns to navigate this cold, silent treatment. The journey isn’t over yet, and there’s still much more for Emily to uncover as she fights to regain her independence and self-worth.
