Breaking Down Stonewalling: Confronting the Silent Treatment Head-On
Stonewalling
Chapter Four: The Ice-Cold Silence
Emily had faced Victor’s love bombing, gaslighting, and triangulation, but the most chilling tactic was yet to come—stonewalling. Just when Emily thought she was starting to regain some control, Victor introduced this new tactic into his arsenal. It was as if a thick wall had been erected between them, leaving Emily on one side, desperate for communication, while Victor stood on the other, emotionless and unreachable.
The Dreaded Silent Treatment
Victor, once attentive and talkative, had suddenly gone silent. No more texts, no calls, no conversations. It felt like Emily was trying to talk to a ghost. This wasn’t just a mood swing; it was a calculated move designed to punish her for daring to question him or assert her needs. This was the silent treatment—a classic narcissistic weapon.
Here are the signs Emily began to recognize, which you should watch for as well:
Radio Silence: Victor ignored Emily’s attempts to communicate. Her calls went unanswered, her texts left unread. It was as if she no longer existed.
What to do: Don’t chase after someone who shuts you out. Instead, take a step back and focus on maintaining your own emotional well-being.
Emotional Disregard: Even when Victor did speak, he dismissed Emily’s feelings as unimportant. Her emotions were met with indifference, leaving her feeling isolated and unheard.
What to do: Validate your own feelings. Your emotions are real and important, regardless of how someone else reacts to them.
The Vanishing Act: Victor became increasingly elusive, avoiding Emily both physically and emotionally. It was like he had become a phantom, present in body but absent in spirit.
What to do: Don’t let someone’s absence define your worth. Stay grounded in your own reality and seek support from those who truly care about you.
Traits of a Stonewaller
Victor had mastered the art of emotional avoidance. Whenever a difficult conversation loomed, he would retreat into his fortress of silence, leaving Emily knocking on a door that would never open. He appeared calm and detached, but beneath the surface, his silence was a means of maintaining control and keeping Emily in a state of confusion.
Stonewallers, like Victor, often display the following behaviors:
Dodging Conversations: They avoid any discussion that might expose their vulnerabilities or require them to take responsibility.
Passive-Aggressive Silence: Rather than expressing anger or frustration openly, they give the cold shoulder, making their partner feel invisible and insignificant.
Withholding Affection: They use silence as a weapon to withhold love, support, and connection, knowing that this emotional starvation will weaken their partner’s resolve.
Emily's Response: Finding Her Voice
As the silence stretched on, Emily felt herself growing more anxious and isolated. She knew she couldn’t let Victor’s stonewalling control her emotions. It was time to take action.
Here’s how Emily responded to the stonewalling storm:
Maintaining Her Course: Emily refused to let Victor’s silence dictate her actions. She continued to express her feelings calmly and assertively, even if he wasn’t listening. This wasn’t about getting through to Victor; it was about staying true to herself.
Seeking Safe Harbor: Emily leaned on her friends and family for support. They provided the perspective and comfort she needed during this emotionally turbulent time. She realized that she wasn’t alone in this storm.
Not Chasing the Illusion: Instead of trying to break through Victor’s silence, Emily focused on what she could control—her own actions and responses. She stopped chasing after Victor, recognizing that his silence was a form of manipulation, not a reflection of her worth.
Considering Professional Guidance: Emily sought help from a therapist, who helped her navigate the emotional toll of Victor’s stonewalling. Together, they developed strategies for coping with the silent treatment and rebuilding her confidence.
Preparing to Cut Loose
As Emily grew stronger, Victor’s stonewalling began to lose its power over her. She realized that she didn’t have to accept this treatment and that she deserved a relationship where her voice was heard and valued. Emily began to plan her exit from the toxic relationship, ready to set sail for calmer, healthier seas.
Stay Tuned: Next Up—Devaluation
But Victor isn’t finished yet. In our next chapter, we’ll explore the dark descent into devaluation, where the narcissist’s mask slips even further, revealing the full extent of their manipulation. Emily’s journey is far from over, and there are more lessons to learn as she continues to reclaim her life.
